Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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