The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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