I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
