HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
