She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
