Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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