My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize