3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
