You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
