i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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