Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
