Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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