once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
