Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
