2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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