she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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