I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
