summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
