Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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