You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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