overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
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I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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