Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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