He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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