she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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