the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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