So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
