i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
