Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
