I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
