I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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