So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
