his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
