just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
