just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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