I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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