he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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