so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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