Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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