I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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