Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
