I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
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