omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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