I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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