I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
