Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
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Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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