I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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