She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
