yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
