4 words: hood of his car
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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