There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
