And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
