Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
