Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
