I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
