A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Let's get the cat blown out
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
