What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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