So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
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