i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
