oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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