Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
