I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
