No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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