So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
