those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
