oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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