I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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