She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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