he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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