how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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